To Trust or Not to Trust

It’s ironic that my New Year’s resolution for 2021 was to embrace the different-ness since 2021 was not different. It was more of the 2020 chaos, insanity, disappointment and devastation. More of the same, not different.

2021: Repetitive absurdity…inexplicably. As if we’d collectively learned nothing from 2020, or recent years, or all of history, actually.

Throughout history, we’ve experienced many crises, tragedies, social justice movements, advancements, regressions, successes and failures. Some brought great pride and unity. Others brought shame and lead to necessary change.

2020 and its unwanted sequel 2021 were the second type. So, when does the change happen? And who will initiate the change?

If 2021 was an exam to test what we have learned since the beginning of humankind, we failed miserably. There is no sign of acquired knowledge through past experience, no sign of willingness to learn, no empathy, no compassion. No trust.

Living in a society as we do, it’s necessary that we rely on each other to a certain extent to coexist in a mutually beneficial way. But after the trauma and disappointment we’ve all experienced recently, can we really trust each other? Can we trust our leaders? Actually, let’s be honest, can we even trust ourselves to make sound decisions anymore? Probably not. But maybe we don’t have to.

Before the chaos of this new decade, before experiencing seemingly countless, senseless, overly punishing personal and professional obstacles, I trusted the universe. When I was stressed or anxious, I would reassure myself that everything would be ok. It had to be. The universe would make sure of it. I believed that everything happened for a reason and something good would always result, even from tragedy. The universe would always maintain that balance.

However, too much damage was done and that trust was shattered. The universe abandoned me (or all of us?). We are on our own. Things wouldn’t necessarily be ok anymore, and most of the time, they weren’t. I typically trust myself to make good decisions, but when it comes to relying on others in society, even our leaders, I’m repeatedly let down. And in 2020 and 2021? All trust was lost.

But, am I now sensing a tiny glimmer of improvement?

I’ve noticed something weird lately. Things just kind of work themselves out. Little things. Nothing that matters, really, but it’s happened enough that I took notice. Is it possible the universe didn’t abandon us after all? Maybe it was just taking a break, giving us the opportunity to test the knowledge we’ve gained since the beginning of time, and after seeing our massive failures recently, it is returning to help us once again.

After living through so much destruction, any hint of positivity shines bright, an obvious, eye-catching, undeniable symbol. Our long-awaited beacon of hope. I dream of returning to a world with the reassurance that the universe is there to maintain a balance of goodness and fairness, and I desperately want this to be a sign of good things ahead. I want to be able to trust you again, Universe.

So, it is with a hefty dose of caution and skepticism that I offer my New Year’s Resolution for 2022: I will try to trust that things will be ok. Seeing hints of positivity is a welcome relief, but the universe has a long way to go to fully regain my trust.

2022, PLEASE be better…but I’ll believe it when I see it.