That Was Backwards

I tried. I really did.

I won’t say that I failed because this year didn’t feel like a failure. But my attempts were not effective.

My New Year’s resolution for 2024 was to try to be less responsible, especially for the irresponsibility of others, and to prioritize my mental health and reducing my stress over things that are out of my control. For good measure, I even granted myself an extension on my failed 2023 New Year’s resolution to say no to anything that would cause me additional stress. I was sure that was the winning combination for a successful 2024!

This year I planned to just maintain the status quo… no extra stress, no new work projects, no major life changes. I just wanted to be responsible for myself and maintaining a simple life and nothing else.

Enter Plan B.

I had new work projects pushed on me. The irresponsibility of others negatively impacted me. And I was forced to uproot my life.

Similar to previous years, I had new work projects come my way. However, contrary to previous years, I turned them down. Saying no was a major change for me! I was serious about fulfilling my resolutions and reducing my workload and stress. But the companies didn’t want to take no for an answer. They made repeated requests, offered to work with my schedule, and expressed how much I would be helping them if I accepted the projects. So, did I stand my ground and stay true to my resolutions for the sake of my mental health? No. They pushed, and I caved.

Taking on new work in addition to my existing work was a recipe for a repeat of previous years and my failed attempts at prioritizing my mental health. In an effort to somehow achieve both more work and reduced stress, I delegated responsibilities to other people in my work life and my personal life. That was also a major change for me! I usually shoulder most of the workload in all aspects of my life, so delegating was new to me. Maybe my New Year’s resolutions could still be salvaged! Or not.

The new work projects were again expanded and monopolized my time, and the people I delegated responsibilities to didn’t fulfill those responsibilities. In all cases, I was left overworked and overstressed.

I tried to be responsible only for myself and not for the failures of others. That seems like a solid theory! But in practice, it led to negative consequences for me and other innocent parties. Work wasn’t completed until after deadlines, I received necessary information so late that multiple projects needed to be done simultaneously, projects were expanded to include work that was originally supposed to be done by others, and an issue outside of work turned into a problem, which turned into a crisis that required uprooting my life and relocating.

But I still wasn’t ready to consider 2024 a failure.

In a final attempt to salvage my resolutions and my mental health, I tried a new strategy. When the new work projects were relentlessly pushed on me, I increased my rate for those projects. When other people’s irresponsibility impacted my work, I informed the people who had contracted me to do the work of that fact and that the projects would be completed late due to circumstances out of my control. And when the issue outside of work started becoming a problem, which would directly conflict with my long-planned vacation and travel plans for some much-needed fun and downtime, I worked out an agreement to postpone the issue until later in the year.

So, as I said, this year didn’t feel like a failure. I made more money than ever before, I didn’t have to suffer the blame when deadlines were missed, and I got to travel, explore new places, and make memories that will last a lifetime.

But I can’t say this year was a success either. I was still overworked and overstressed. And I’m not comfortable being irresponsible, even if the reason for it is out of my control. Nor am I comfortable sitting idly by allowing other people to be irresponsible when it negatively impacts me or others, even if I’m not blamed for it. That also causes me stress.

As it turned out, trying to reduce my stress by taking less responsibility actually increased my stress. So, maybe my New Year’s resolution for this year was backwards.

With that theory in mind, my New Year’s resolution for 2025 is this: I will hold people accountable. Instead of letting others fail to meet their obligations or evade responsibility when it could result in negative consequences to others, I will be more aggressive in pushing for those responsibilities to be fulfilled. Before late work turns into missed deadlines, before problems turn into crises, I will take action. No more sitting idly by allowing others to behave irresponsibly and pawn off consequences of their own actions onto others. And if that doesn’t work, I will do what I can to ensure any negative consequences remain with those who caused them rather than with those who met our obligations.

With shared responsibility comes mutual responsibility. In the new year, I will hold everyone accountable for doing their part. And hopefully that will lead to mutually beneficial outcomes and mutual stress reduction.

Cheers to 2025 and improved mental health all around!