Let’s All Be Irresponsible

I failed and I’m still stressed.

My 2023 New Year’s resolution was to prioritize my mental health and say no to anything that would cause me too much stress. My 2023 reality, however, was the opposite. I still agreed to new, complicated work projects. I still found myself fighting battles I didn’t start. And I still took on more responsibilities than time allowed. So yes, I failed at my resolution. I’m still stressed and anxious and life still feels chaotic.

But why did I fail? Easy. Because I can’t be irresponsible!

This year I lost a client due to a business reorganization and decision that all work would be done internally rather than outsourced to me. My initial reaction was sadness. I liked working with the client, and I enjoyed the work. However, after a brief grieving period, I quickly realized this could be great news! While I did like the work, it had been very time consuming with tight deadlines and demands on my schedule. Without those demands, I would have more freedom and time to work on myself and do other things I enjoy. The universe was helping me achieve my goal of reducing my stress!

In an effort to make lemonade out of lemons and fully utilize my newfound time and freedom, I booked a much needed, long-awaited vacation to paradise. I planned to relax, breathe the fresh air, embrace the serenity, and enjoy life in carefree, stress-free vacation mode. And I hoped that serenity would follow me home and lead to an overall better state of mind and improved mental health. (Spoiler alert: That didn’t happen.)

Before I even had a chance to build up my excitement for my upcoming trip, I was asked to do a project for another company that would be just as time consuming and also had rigid deadlines. I was told I would receive all the information needed for the project well before my vacation, so meeting the deadlines would not be a problem. I agreed without hesitation. A vacation and a new project to pay for it? Score! (Spoiler alert: That also didn’t happen.)

I was then contacted by two more companies who urgently needed help with projects. I was happy to pick up the extra work and be able to help new clients. Especially since both were scheduled to begin after my vacation and my earlier project, so I wouldn’t be overbooked and overwhelmed as I had been the previous year. (Spoiler alert again… Didn’t happen.)

In the midst of my new work, I also found myself in a new battle. After the significant toll the constant battles had taken on my mental health last year, I had hoped for respite this year. However, I was forced into another battle that I didn’t start and should not have had to fight. Someone was trying to swindle me out of money. And they were not above using threats, intimidation, lies, and control tactics to get it. The harder I tried to de-escalate the situation, the more committed they became to the scam.

My intended year of reduced stress and improved mental health was descending into the anxiety-filled chaos that I was all too familiar with. When combined with my existing work and responsibilities, the addition of new work projects (that were already showing signs of derailment) and a new battle (that seemed to be getting worse instead of better) was a recipe for disaster and for a failed resolution.

To jump ahead to the end of the story: I wasn’t able to start the projects on time, the amount of work was expanded beyond what was originally agreed to, the projects ended up overlapping and needed to be done at the same time, and as I struggled to meet the deadlines, I was forced to field angry, screaming messages from the fraudster trying to scam me. But… I finished all the projects on time with satisfactory results to meet my client’s expectations. And I resolved the battle without suffering monetary loss.

So, how did I do it?

I worked every day on my vacation. When I returned home, I worked every day, night, and weekend, often until the wee hours of the morning, in order to get everything done. And I did. Because I’m responsible and fulfill my commitments. Despite the irresponsibility of others. But I suffered significant stress and fatigue because of it.

While I certainly understand the importance of having an appropriate work-life balance, I don’t understand asserting that balance to the detriment of others. If someone fails to meet their deadline because they refuse to work longer hours to do so, they are essentially forcing me to work even longer hours to meet the ultimate deadline that I was contracted to meet.

I ended up in the position I was in due to the procrastination, laziness, greed, and just general irresponsibility of others. Other people regularly disregard their commitments and ignore their responsibilities, seemingly without consequences to themselves and without regard for the consequences to others.

My goal for this year was to prioritize my mental health. I feel it is my obligation to shoulder my share of responsibility to complete work or fight battles so as to prevent harm to others. Not doing so causes me stress. Therefore, being irresponsible is detrimental to my mental health. Yet, I met my obligations, and my mental health still suffered for it. Am I doing this all wrong?

Other people seem so happily, carelessly irresponsible. While I continually suffer trying to take the responsible course of action. And while all the consequences seem to land squarely on me.

I don’t know how they do it. Honestly, I’m baffled by it. But I’m also curious. What if the people I label as lazy procrastinators are actually just prioritizing their mental health in a different way?

That question leads to my New Year’s Resolution for 2024: I will try to be irresponsible slightly less responsible. And I will work to understand that being responsible doesn’t mean being responsible for everyone else.

I will still do everything I can to meet my deadlines and other obligations, but if something doesn’t need to be done immediately or was delayed due to circumstances that were out of my control, I will not prioritize those obligations over my life and my mental health. I will try to take comfort in knowing that if I do my part, I’m not responsible for negative consequences caused by others. In the coming year, I will make a more dedicated effort to living a less stressful, more serene life.

Maybe I will even take a vacation without working through it. Cheers to 2024 and finding out how the other half lives.